You really hurt my feelings...

So, that line from Angel S2 "Epiphany" said by Cordelia to Angel is all i could think about earlier. First of all and off topic from what i wanted to write about, i love that line, its so sad and full of hurt, i love that episode.

Anyway so earlier tonight i wanted to go to Target to find one last small gift for my mom. I asked my sister if she wanted to go with me and she said yes. Her friend works there and he was there working when we got there. Anyway she walked in the store with me and we went to look at the clothes for a sec, i wanted to see if she would like the shirt i picked out for her the other day. So i kind of casually asked her about it and she seemed pretty much unimpressed with it. But there was this cute pink shirt with polka dots that she really loved so i was trying to decide how i could grab that one and just take the other one back without her knowing.

Then she said something about how her friend was calling her to go sit with him at Starbucks for a minute so she said I'll be right back where will you be? And i said i didnt know and she said ok I'll call you. So i kept walking around looking at various stuff just wanting to see if there were any last minute gifts i could buy. I walked around the entire store and found some stuff i wanted to ask her opinion on. It had been about 15 minutes or so and she sent me a fucking text and said what are you doing? I was fucking pissed so i just didn't respond and kept walking around looking at stuff.

I'm terrible at trying to decide on things without a second opinion and really wanted her help which was why i wanted her to come with me in the first place but finally, after about 10 or so more minutes of walking around alone, i realized that she wasn't going to come find me and help me out so i just went to get in line. I payed for my stuff, got the shirt she said she liked no less, didnt get most of the stuff i had been looking at because i could not decide plus i was pissed off. As i walked out i called her and said I paid for my stuff I'm walking out of the store, and she said wait for me and i said I'm already out. I got to the car and she got there a few seconds after me.

She got in and I didn't say anything. I wanted to scream at her and tell her how crappy that was and what a bitch she was to do that. She has done exactly this before once and it totally pissed me off because it was when i really needed her help trying to find a certain gift for my brother a month or so ago, and i told her then that it was really crappy and that it hurt my feelings. Anyway this time i just decided that obviously it didn't mean anything the first time i told her so i didn't say a single word to her in the car.

But the more i was thinking about it driving home the more pissed off i got and the more the whole situation just started to really hurt my feelings. I mean hello all she ever does anymore is talk to them so is it too much to think that maybe we could go to fucking Target and i wouldnt be given the fucking brushoff there? I dont care if she went and said hey and sat with him for a few minutes and then called me to find out where i was or whatever but she just completely ignored me and then sent a fucking text! Anyway so thinking about the whole thing in the car driving home with her and how she hurt my feelings i started to fucking cry.

I hate crying, i mean i know no one likes to cry but i mean like i really hate it i don't like for anyone to see me cry and the fact that she made me cry because she's a rude, selfish bitch just made me even more angry. The only thing she said to me the whole time on the way home was "i didn't know i was going to be there that long", and that was it. I came home and had to wipe the tears off my face and rush inside so no one saw me because i was sure it was obvious i had been crying a little. But of course my dad saw and came upstairs to ask what was wrong. Whatever, soon she'll be little ms. university bound and she won't have to worry about her stupid, deadbeat, boring sister crying about her feelings being hurt.

On a completely different note, yay, Christmas is almost here!!!!!!!!! i love Christmas. I am so excited. I think i am pretty much done shopping, i mean i just will probably get carried away and buy more stuff for people that they don't really need before Christmas gets here. I love these last few days leading up to Christmas, they are the best. I really want a video iPod for Christmas. I said i didn't after i asked for one on my list because i realized how greedy it was to ask for something so expensive, but my dad keeps saying that he doesn't care what i say now he knows i really want one so I'm getting one. Yippee!!!!

Anyway i just wanted to rant and say Merry Christmas mostly to myself because who am i fooling thinking anyone else reads this boring, whiny shit, but just in case there is one person out there who is reading this, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that other good stuff.

"Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy" "A New Day Has Come" by Celine Dion

Yes it's a Celine Dion song, i can't help it i love this song, it's my song to my brother. Well one of them at least. I love that boy.

Night.

Remote keyless entry, what a ditz...

Geez, what a ditz I am. I could not remember what the whole system with the remote to unlock and lock the car and pop the trunk and stuff was called but later on i was like "Oh my God, how fucking embarrassing", its remote keyless entry and man what a loser i am lol. Anway i love my car. Its pretty awesome.

Christmas is so close, I am so excited. I always get really giddy around this time and just cannot wait. I love seeing my brother open his stuff and love every bit of it. Plus this year, he's got some really cool stuff so I'm very excited. I have already begun wrapping stuff that i wont put out under the tree until Christmas Eve, after eveyone has gone to bed. I like saving most of my stuff so that in the morning when everyone wakes up, its like kinda magical, as cheesy as that sounds, because wham, here's all this stuff that wasn't there a few hours ago and its for all of you guys.

My sister annoys the shit out of me. I'm like a broken record with that one huh?! Seriously though, i mean the other night i wanted her to have a pinball tournament with me because it was relatively early, like 12:45 a.m. and we were both bored. So she said yes and the while she made me look for one online, she fell asleep. Last night, her nasty, looks like he jumped out of Oscar the Grouch's garbage can psuedo-boyfriend, was on the phone with her and she stayed up until 4:30 in the fucking morning. How fucking rude is that. She can't stay up till 1:30 am to play a stupid cheesy little game with her sister, but she can stay up till 4:30 talking to the piece of trash that broke up with her and was an ass and is now trying to weasel his way back in.

I am super bitter about this. I mean if i wanted her to watch an episode of Buffy or Angel with me she would go in my room lay down on my bed and fall asleep 20 minutes in, no matter what time of day it was (and it's not that she doesnt like Buffy and Angel, at least she used to, she watched both series with me) it's just that she doesn't see what i want to do as important enough to warrant staying awake. But you can be damn sure that if that slimy scuzzball wanted to watch Buffy or Angel, which he doesnt watch because he doesnt have the intelligence for them, she would be awake long enough to watch a whole damn season with him. Whatever, I hate that she's so snotty now and doesn't think i warrant the time of day to do anything with, but she doesnt care so what's the use? And don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous of her in anyway, I want my sister to do well and be happy, i just wish she could do it and not be so snobby and treat us as if we're all just amusing, peripheral objects, ya know?

Anyway, I am counting down the days till my vacation, dear God i need that vacation lol. I'm also wondering if they'll give me a Christmas bonus this year. Last year they gave me $100 and it was so cool and really helped me out. I was reading this thing in Parents magazine, which i love by the way lol and will have a subscription to when I am a parent, and it was talking about what kind of gift to give to certain people or how much to give, and it said for a full time caregiver that's been with you for a while, to give a gift and 2 weeks pay. I was like, "whoa, i hope they read that and follow those guidelines" lol. I have been with them for a little bit over 4 years so i think that qualifies. Now, to wait and see if they're feeling Christmasy anytime soon. Here's to hoping.

"I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary average every day sane psycho, super goddess, average every day sane psycho" "Extraordinary" Liz Phair

Night.

Hop on little mama...

So, my dad got back at around 9 or so on Saturday night, and i have my new car, and its all paid for and all mine. It's a 2004 Dodge Stratus, silver in color and comes with power seats, locks and windows. I am totally excited about that shit. I have never had a car with power anything besides the power to drive and piss me off. I am excited because it has a key that has the buttons you press to lock and unlock and open the trunk, and how lame does that sound, i cannot think of what they would be called by an intelligent person, but I never claimed to be intelligent, therfore i get away with stupid things like that lol. I haven't really been able to get a good look at it yet because it was dark when he got here and so ya know, but i did drive it for about 5 minutes or so, very cool. I am uber excited. I'll have to post more once i get a better look at it.

Plus today i bought a pair of jeans from Old Navy for 10 bucks and a black wool jacket for my brother for 9 bucks!!! I got two coupons from a girl on GottaDeal.com and they were for 10 dollars off any purchase over 10 dollars, so hell yeah i used those. Then we went to Linen's N Things and finally got my mom the waffle maker that was on her Christmas list. I love marking things off the list. Thank God, tomorrow the Cowboys and the Giants play!!! I'm not going to predict anything for fear of jinxing something, but i know where my love and loyalty stand, so for now that will be all I'll say. So i suppose that's all for now, i have done all that i could to postpone going to bed, i hate going to bed, but then once i do, i can't seem to wake up lol.

"She’s gonna step outside
Uncover her eyes
Who knew she could feel so alive
Her M.O.’s changed
She don’t wanna behave
Ain’t it good to be a brave girl tonight" "Brave New Girl" Britney Spears

Night.

I've been gone too long, I hope you don't mind...

Well, I have finally decided that i simply do not have enough money nor do i want to rack up the credit card payment any further, but I'm not tired so i came back here to do some updating. I love this title for my post, its from the Any Given Thursday Version of 3x5 by John Mayer. I switched this thing to the beta stuff, whatever the hell that means, they told me to do it so i did it.

Lets see, right now everyone is asleep. My sister was supposed to play pinball on the computer with me but of course she said, "you go first, I'll lay down right here and watch" and while i looked for one (since our Windows pinball game is curiously absent) she immediately fell asleep. My mom and brother are asleep downstairs and William is semi-asleep right here next to me. My dad is in Dallas with my uncle and their cousin looking at cars for me. So I'm bored and i wanted to play Buffy the Vampire Slayer Chaos Bleeds on my brother's PS2, but he got in trouble today because of a grade he got in school so he's gotten his playstation 2 taken away, well more specifically the controllers have just been hidden and i have no idea where they are, which sucks because i would hardcore play that game right now.

I am in full Christmas mode as of now, well i have been since the day before Thanksgiving. I was buying Christmas presents before Thanksgiving, and then on Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, me, my sister and my mom all went out for Black Friday shopping. Well me and my sister were out of the house at like 2:30 a.m. to go to Sears, which opened at 5 a.m. to get a cordless drill for my dad. We waited in line at Sears because they were handing out $10 giftcards to the first 200 people. So we ended up getting the $80 drill for $26 because it was on sale for $40 and we used the 2 giftcards we got and then we bought the protection plan for it cause it was 6 bucks. Pretty cool. Then we met up with my mom at Target which did not open until 6 a.m., and waited in line there for about 20 minutes or so. Luckily she got there at just the time we told her to get there because the line behind her was massive and she was really close to the front, which was a good thing because we wanted that video rocker thing and they were sold out of those like super quick.

After that we went to Best Buy and got my brother a portable DVD player for $76, which made us all happy. Next it was Circuit City to get Season 1 of House (for $12.99, normally 50 bucks!) for my mom and dad (and really for me too lol, i love that show) and to get some DVDs, and a new Sirius satellite radio kit (20 bucks, normally 50) for my dad. He got XM last year but wants Sirius because it has NFL talk and stuff. The line that we waited in at Circuit City was the most riduculous thing ever. I waited in that line probably an hour and 20 minutes. I was so pissed off. I hate CC already but that just made me feel absolutely certain that i really did hate it. But we did the Robopet from there 3 days ago for $19.99!!! That thing is like 50 bucks everywhere else. Anyway after CC we went to Hastings to get season 2 of House for 16 bucks, also normally 50 bucks or so.

Then we went to Old Navy to get me some new jeans because the jeans i had put on had a hole in the thigh, which had looked cool before but then i just kept messing with it and made it too big to look cool, i just looked poor and trashy lol so i had to buy some new jeans, and luckily they were all 20 bucks. Then we went to Wal-Mart and got the iDog for my brother for 10 bucks to go with the iPod shuffle we bought him a couple of weeks back. It's the older model, not the cool teensy weensy new one, but he's 9 so I think its good for now. We got great stuff that Friday, it was so much fun.

In other buying stuff news, not related to Black Friday, the fucking Nintendo DS Lite that i want, the black one still isn't in at Toys R Us. I hate that fucking store, they suck. I used to love TRU, but no more. We all pitched in to buy my brother the bundle from a few weeks back, it was the DS lite, a starter kit, and a game for $149 which i thought was sweet. But of course they don't have the damn black one, which is the one he wants, nor did they have it that Sunday when the ad first came out and i went. I will keep bugging them until i get one and it will be before Christmas!

Lots of other cool stuff but I have grown tired of writing about it all, lol so I shall quit for now. My dad is looking for a car for me because my car was completely and totally fucked up. Which is crazy because I have only had that car 6 months at the most (but to be fair it is a 2002) and what was wrong with it wasn't something that i did or didnt do, its just something that went wrong with the car, it was a fucking lemon lol. It sucks because it causes such a disruption to have only one car and have 5 people that have so many different places to be at different times. To be honest though, i never really thought this last car was very asthetically pleasing. I mean it was cute sure, a red Focus but not really something that i would ever pick out on my own, (they picked it out for me when they traded in my 11 year old Dodge Neon that i love love loved). So I'm hoping that this car will be something a little more me.

And i think that my uncle, who could possibly be called mr. moneybags, is like buying the car for me, i have no idea what the arrangement is between them but i do know he's financing it in some way if not completely. Plus the other day me, my mom and dad went to Best Buy and bought this sweet new picture printer on sale for $129 normally $169 and then went to TRU and bought the Guitar Hero 2 bundle for my sister (gasp TRU actually had something in stock that they had advertised) and it tured out to be $108 so i think that if the money thing with the car were really super troubling right now we would not have done that, but my parents have done crazier things.

I'm so ready for my vacation, the family that i work for leaves for Florida for 2 weeks on the 23rd or so which is just totally awesome, i love them but i need a break, so I'm marking down those days baby, you better believe it. K well my fingers are slowly developing carpal tunnel syndrome ( "I've developed carpal tunnel syndrome and can tragically no longer hold a flash light.") so i think i shall make this my getting off point. I'm most definitely going to go watch some Buffy or maybe some Angel Season 5 seeing as how that's the only Angel season i have lol, got it from my best friend for my birthday in September. I did ask for Season 1 and my sis asked for Season 2 for Christmas, here's to hoping Santa brings those. I so missed my little blog, did you miss me?

"You should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5's
Just no more 3x5's" "3x5" by John Mayer

Night.