Why my blog title is appropriate...

So, in the past week or so lots of shit has happened that has just been crazy, for lack of a better word.

So first off, there was the baseball shit that had been going on. Mind you I'm talking about little league baseball when i speak about the incidents that have occured.

So, basically there are parents who have kids on the team who resent the kids on the team who play infield, my brother being one of them, first base to be exact, because they're damn good and get to play often and their kids rarely go to practice and don't try as hard as some of the other kids do and some of them shouldn't even be there, but they sure do feel like they have the right to complain about playing time and how the coaches run the team, and "i guess our kids have to have a dad coaching the team for our kid to get any play time" which is complete and total fucked up bullshit.

So the other day at the game, the group of moms was complaing blah blah fucking blah, throughout the whole game and then at the end, my mom came over and was sitting on the bleachers and heard them talking and interjected asking them if they thought it was fair if their kids didn't come to practice but still got to play a large part of the game.

Well this set them off and caused a big fight in which i got exasperated and threw my hands up in the air when one of the moms said she was going to go get the president of our division of the little league association, or whatever, and i said, "great more tattletaling, and this fat, stupid bitch who was the cause of all the problems in the first place got right up in my face and said, "thats right little girl and you need to stay out of the adult business" like in my face yelling at me and i was like, "you don't have any right to get up in my face and yell at me," and my mom put her finger on that bitch's arm and said, "don't you dare talk to my daughter like that," to which this lady said, "don't push me, i could press charges against you, ya'll saw that right, (she said this to the other bitch moms who were complaing with her and they were like, "mmmhmm" and all shaking their heads, and my god, i swear on John Mayer and Lola and Lenny and Spike that my mother did not push her, i was standing right fucking there, that fucking woman has issues and she's pathetic.

So to make a long story short, we had another fucking team meeting a few days later in which people yelled and the dumbass president said, "yall need to get along, have a barbeque or something" and i wanted to punch his nasty face, and after it was over the player agent for the little league was talking to me, my mom and the coach and a friend of ours and said that the lady had called the police to her house and pressed charges against my mom! Can you fucking believe that? I sure as hell can't. I mean, where in the world does someone get the balls to call up the police and tell them a baldfaced lie and potentially fuck up someones life with something they know good and goddamn well isn't true? So far nothing has happend and we have tons of people who will attest to the fact that that didn't happen, but I don't know what's going on with this now, i haven't heard anything else, so who knows.

I just hate those ladies and their fucking smug faces, especially the other day when we had a game and the coach made my brother, and the regular infielders sit out the whole game minus 5 minutes altogether to make those moms happy. He'll be back at first base for today's game so I'll be the one looking smug. Fuck you very much you bunch of fucking liars and fucked up bitches.

Also, today this stupid bitch who had yelled at my mom and me at my brother's school before when my mom asked the other woman if she could move her car up just a little so my mom could fit in behind her to which the lady replied that no she couldn't and my mom said, "thanks that's so kind of you" and they proceeded to yell and curse at us.

Well the other lady who wasn't the driver was in a different car today, i totally didn't know it was her and she was parked in this wrong spot, but there was another car in front of me and i was just waiting very patiently behind that car, when the girl in the car, the bitch turned around and saw me looking in that direction, which hello i'm driving that way, and saw me, gave me this ugly look and said, "what, do you have a problem?" and i kinda smiled all smugly, like you're one crazy bitch, and said "no".

She was like, "well then why are you staring?" and i was like i wasn't" and she was like, "you needa quit staring you got a problem, blah blah" and i was like, "maam, you've really got some anger issues, i think you really need some therapy maam" and finally the other car started to move as i was telling her this and she was all, "well, whatever" and i was like "please go to therapy" and moved ahead, it was hilarious, but what the fuck ever bitch, it's not my fault your life is fucked up, go take it out on the people who deserve your fucked up shit, cuz it's not me.

And finally today my dad came over and told us they offered him a job in El Paso with a huge pay increase and he took it. I already knew about it, cuz my mom found out on accident and told my sister who told me and so i had to pretend like i didn't know but even though i did know, i still cried as he was talking to us.

I think it was cuz it was a little sad, yes, but i was watching my brother and his eyes were all teared up and he was trying so hard not to cry and my sister was just sitting there like it all bored her, and i was so sad for my baby brother. He eventually started crying and my dad just held him and they talked and then went out to throw the football for a while and it was sad.

It's gonna be weird, him being gone, but it's a big pay increase and if we actually get to benefit from that money it will be great, but i know my dad's promises and his grand plans and they don't always work out the way he says they will, so I'm not really holding my breath over that.

But this new development, him leaving town, within the next couple of weeks, and my sister graduating within the next two months and moving in with her boyfriend has made it very clear to me, if it wasn't already, that my current job is not going to survive these major changes.

So, i had to tell them that yes, they should probably start looking for someone new to replace me once summer rolls around, because my dad won't be here, my mom works during the day and most of the evening and who knows when my sister will be gone, so it's me baby, I'm gonna be taking care of my brother and now I've got to start looking for a job where i could work at night, that would be ideal.

It sounds so awful, but a part of me wants my sister and her boyfriend to break up or decide that they can't move in together just yet, so that she can stay here longer and help me out so i don't feel like it's just me.

This is why i relate to David from "Six Feet Under" so well. He has to stay behind and deal with the family stuff while his older brother checks out and does his own thing and his sister is the baby of the family so she doesn't have to do anything, it's just him and sometimes he really resents it all but in the end he knows he has to do what he's doing and he's a better person for it.

I love my brother and would do anything for him, no matter how hard i think it might be, i don't resent him, i resent the choices i have made and the choices I'm being forced to make because of the things other people in my family are choosing to do.

It's like, "well I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna go do this, so that leaves me, and its like they assume my life is a fuck up anyway i won't mind being the leftover or whatever, and it's not taking care of my brother and making the decision to leave my job so i can watch him over the summer and get him from school and all that with more ease, it's the fact that everyone else, in some way or form, just looks to me and knows i'll do it.

It's hard to explain without sounding like a brat and maybe that's what i am, but that's how i feel right now. Well ok, I need to go to bed so hopefully i can get up tomorrow and do all the stuff I'm supposed to do.

Entropy is one of my favorite words, i just love the word itself and its meaning is cool, i don't remember the exact scientific definition, but it's kind of like the tendency for things in the universe to go from calm and settled to chaos and disaray, i love the word, i just don't like living through it. Tara was so right, "Things fall apart, they fall apart so hard."

"still everything happens for a reason
is no reason not to ask yourself if you are
living it right" "Why Georgia" John Mayer

Quite possibly my favorite line in a song ever, i love it, it gives me chills everytime i hear it, and it just makes me think. It's really appropriate right now. Night.

A 4 friend...

So, tonight i got to hang out with my bestest friend in the whole wide world and just talk for a few hours. We hadn't done that in forever. It was the most fun I've had in a long time.

It was so great to just finally be able to talk about the stuff i want to talk about with him that's not always the best conversation material when you're on your cell phones driving in the car or something. It just made me realize how lucky i am to have someone as great as he is. Some people don't have a best friend, someone they can tell absolutely everything to, no matter how silly or stupid or depressing or dark it is, and know that that friend is gonna listen and know where you're coming from or try to at least, and still love you after it's all said and done.

That's what i have and i am so fucking lucky, i know that. I should definitely be a better friend, because he's just so awesome that sometimes i think i don't deserve to have someone be as good to me as he is.

We just talked about all the baseball shit going on with my brothers team and those fucking lying ass bitches that piss me the fuck off and I will have to blog about that another time, i have not the strength to deal with that right now, and we talked about him and his breakup, i read a blog he posted on his myspace and i swear to god, if i had been alone and read that i would have cried, i had to try hard not to, and we talked about where we are in our lives and about trying to do better, we talked about sugar and caffeine, (i thought sugar was caffeine, he said it wasn't, he won that round) and we just talked about music and stuff.

I also told him about this time i remembered from when we were in like 9th grade, or maybe it was the summer before 10th grade, and we were reading something in this magazine that was talking about friendship and it gave different rankings to different kinds of friends, from like 5 which was a best friend, the closest person to you that you can tell everything to, and 4 being a really good friend but not someone you share everything with and so on, and after we read it i remember asking him what he would rank me and he said, "hmmm, i guess you would be a 4" and i told him that really made me sad, and i was like, "oh, a 4, that's cool" in this like kind of hurt, dejected tone, and then i remember he said, "no i guess i would say you're a 5" and we just laughed and laughed about it.

People just don't realize how lucky i am to have him, or maybe they do and they're really jealous as they well should be. So basically my best friend rocks the fucking house and everyone else should be supremely jealous, and hey, if my sister says i said, gay friends are awesome for several reasons one of which is because they're a status symbol like having a labradoodle, don't believe her, it's fucking lies, lol.

I suppose that's it, I'll come back and write about the baseball fucked up shit going on another time.

"I'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find.
Without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?
And if you'd 'a took to me like
Well i'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well." "New Slang" The Shins

Don't know why i love this song so much, I'm not 100% sure what it all means, but i love the lyrics and i love the sound so there you go. Night.

Gotta love a gal with an anvil...

So, the title has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I saw the first part of "Fool for Love" last night and that line stuck in my head, lol. So, not much going on, same old boring me.

The other day my sister wanted to take her car out and practice driving (it's standard) and she wanted me to go with her. My dad is teaching her, but they've only gone out twice I think. So anyway i got in the car with her and she started it and let off the clutch as she pressed on the gas in 1st gear and bam it died. So she tried again. Bam, it stalled again. So again and again it stalled. This went on for about 10 more tries.

She couldn't figure out what she was doing wrong and it was at the point where we were both starting to laugh hysterically because you know that's what you do when something is frustrating the shit out of you and that's just your coping mechanism. I was trying to encourage her and she was doing the Buffy sob thing from "Life Serial" where she's doing the time loop in the Magic Box, it was hilarious.

Well, i was leaning over to watch what she was doing with her feet and noticed that the parking brake was still up. I said, "Is this supposed to be up or down?", and she looked, said, "Don't you dare tell dad," and put it down and started the car again and voila, it started and she was able to take off without a single hitch. I thought it was hilarious and she just made me swear that i wouldn't tell our parents. I was like, "yeah right, i was in the car too, with the fucking parking brake up, i don't want to tell anymore than you do."

So we drove around for about 20 minutes, she did really well, first gear is a bitch though. She stalled out a few more times trying to get out of first gear, and then we cracked up remembering Spike and Giles in "A New Man" when Giles is having Spike drive him around and they argue about the car,

Giles: If you can't find third gear, don't try for third gear!

Spike: I'm doing my best.� I don't know if I'm driving this thing or wearing it.

Giles: It's perfectly serviceable.

and then later,

Giles: "Down shift! Down shift!", as he tells Spike to turn suddenly and Spike turns quickly and the car makes horrendous noises.

It's just hilarious and adorable and that's what we were thinking about. And also, my sister said, well Buffy can't drive either, rememeber, "Cars and Buffy are like unmixy things", so there you have it, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is relatable to all things.

Anyway the whole situation just makes me love my car and its automatic simplicity. I mean good God, to have to do that much thinking to just fucking drive and stop the damn car at a stop sign or to have to do certain things to stop suddenly when some jerk pulls out in front of you. I'll take my beautiful car any day over that. But i do know that i need to learn as well, so that someday I can drive some bad ass car like a Viper or something that only comes stick.

Also, today my sister and I were watching "Clifford the Big Red Dog", I love PBS cartoons, and at the end during the part where they tell kids to read and talk about the sponsors for the show, one of the things says, "so visit your local library and be the best read dog on your block", and my sister was like "oh my god, i just got that!", and I said "you just got what?", and she said "I always thought they just meant "be the best red dog on your block" and that never made any sense to me, but literally like just this second i realized that it was meant as "read" not "red" and i was like, "oh my god you dumbass, its a play on words, you are monumentally stupid." I thought that was supremely funny and it's nice to know that in some ways my sister is not as smart as I am.

So, i bought some Spike comics the other day from the kick ass comic shop here. They had to special order them for me and they got in on Wednesday. I was so excited about them, that Tuesday night i dreamt about them, lol. Anyway, i got the Spike Asylum series and the Spike vs. Dracula series. I loved them. The Spike Asylum series was fantastic. I will definitely be reading that again. The writer got Spike's voice down so perfectly and the art was pretty kick ass most of the way through. I loved the story and could totally see and hear Spike.

The Spike vs. Dracula story was very cool too, very interesting and a very Spikeish hilarious reason for Spike telling Riley in "Buffy vs. Dracula" that Drac owed him 11 pounds. I loved that. The story was really cool, but the art was very hit and miss, a lot of the time Spike looked like an old man, and then in the last part, all the drawings looked strange, like they all had these really huge mouths and just looked strange. But sometimes the art was really great and I loved it. Just the missteps detracted from total enjoyment.

Look at me, talking about comic book art and voice as though i were some kind of comic book expert, lol. Joss Whedon, look what you have done to me. But i have fully accepted my destiny as a geek. I read fanfic, canon and noncanon comics, i have a Spike doll, I have a piece of wood my brother found for me outside that looks like a stake sitting on my desk next to the Spike doll, i contribute to Buffy podcasts, wax poetic on various relationships on the show, I post on websites about the show and enter contests about how Buffy changed my life, I literally talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer everyday, spouting off bits of dialogue, and talking bout things that occupy my thoughts concerning the show, yep, I'm a full blown nerd, but I'm going to think of it as nerd chic, add chic to anything and its insta-glamour.

Besides i think its kinda cool, i feel this odd air of superiority and coolness when i walk into the comic shop and ask for the comics in my pull list. I'm sure the guys working there think I'm a complete freak, but oh well, for Buffy I will do much. K, well i suppose that's all for now, maybe I'll go post on livejournal now, so they actually have different content, lol.

"I've got a perfect body, but sometimes I forget,
I've got a perfect body, 'cause my eyelashes catch my sweat, yes they do. They do."
"Folding Chair" Regina Spektor

Love that line, it's just a cute way to say appreciate the little things about your body, you don't have to have Jessica Alba's body to love what you've got and be thankful for it, though her body would be damn nice to have. Anyway that's all.
Night.

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!!!!!!!!

So, oh my frickin god, I just finished reading Buffy Season 8 The Long Way Home Pt. 2 and squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!! It was so amazing. I have not been able to contain myself since i started reading it.

I was already so jazzed to read the new one, i have never had to wait for new Buffy material, and then i had to wait until after 3 for the comic book shop to have them all out and ready to go. I now have a pull list and so when i got there they had mine all in a bag. I got the regular issue, the variant issue, and the full bleed of issue 1.

I got home and started reading. It was so beautiful and exciting and my hands were shaking as i read each and every page. There were so many shocking things, and Giles and Andrew were in there as well and Willow, badass fuckin' Willow!!!!! I was screaming and squealing and laughing and pounding the table with near orgasmic delight.

I love love love Joss Whedon. Also, there was one scene in particular that had me squealing and screaming and still has me reeling and screaming with shock, surprise, hope and love. It was after Amy put the spell on Buffy where she's living a nightmare and can't wake up. Amy tells Xander that only the kiss of true love, or the kiss of someone who loves her and wants to kiss her passionately will wake Buffy up.

In Buffy's dream she's starting to give up and wants it all to stop because it hurts so much and then there in her dream is a guy in a red shirt, black pants, and a long black coat, reaching out his hand to her and telling her "you can't give up that easily, there's so much i need to show you...my love" I so want that to be Spike. I want it with all my heart more than i can say i want it to be Spike. Of course since i want it that badly it will probably be Angel or someone else i can't even imagine, knowing Joss, lol.

Not that i will be completely unhappy to see Angel, i love Angel and despise all those people out there who are all I'm a Bangel or B/A shipper/fan and i hate Spike and Buffy or Spuffy blah blah blah, or I'm a Spuffy or S/B fan and hate Angel, those people are annoying and make whatever ship they support look bad. I love them all, i love all the characters, i just happen to love Spike supremely a much lot, and would love it till the day i died if the person talking to Buffy there was Spike. I would die with a happy song in my heart, yes i would.

Anyway i just loved this comic so much, the ending with Willow echoing Giles' words to her at the end of "Two to Go" was too much, i was screaming and squealing and jumping up and down and running up the stairs. I love Willow, she's my second favorite character i think and to finally see her there ready to put the beat down on Amy was too much for my fragile and already over-excited heart.

I cannot wait until May 2nd when we finally get to see Willow put the whammy on Amy and find out who it is in Buffy's nightmare telling her to not give up, please please please be Spike and I'll try real hard not to ask for anything again, notice i said try.

Anyway just had to post and get it all out since my sister and brother sadly lack the same squealiness and giddiness that i possess about this comic and all things Buffy and Joss. God God Joss i love you like Spike loves Buffy. Thank you. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!