Why my blog title is appropriate...
So, in the past week or so lots of shit has happened that has just been crazy, for lack of a better word.
So first off, there was the baseball shit that had been going on. Mind you I'm talking about little league baseball when i speak about the incidents that have occured.
So, basically there are parents who have kids on the team who resent the kids on the team who play infield, my brother being one of them, first base to be exact, because they're damn good and get to play often and their kids rarely go to practice and don't try as hard as some of the other kids do and some of them shouldn't even be there, but they sure do feel like they have the right to complain about playing time and how the coaches run the team, and "i guess our kids have to have a dad coaching the team for our kid to get any play time" which is complete and total fucked up bullshit.
So the other day at the game, the group of moms was complaing blah blah fucking blah, throughout the whole game and then at the end, my mom came over and was sitting on the bleachers and heard them talking and interjected asking them if they thought it was fair if their kids didn't come to practice but still got to play a large part of the game.
Well this set them off and caused a big fight in which i got exasperated and threw my hands up in the air when one of the moms said she was going to go get the president of our division of the little league association, or whatever, and i said, "great more tattletaling, and this fat, stupid bitch who was the cause of all the problems in the first place got right up in my face and said, "thats right little girl and you need to stay out of the adult business" like in my face yelling at me and i was like, "you don't have any right to get up in my face and yell at me," and my mom put her finger on that bitch's arm and said, "don't you dare talk to my daughter like that," to which this lady said, "don't push me, i could press charges against you, ya'll saw that right, (she said this to the other bitch moms who were complaing with her and they were like, "mmmhmm" and all shaking their heads, and my god, i swear on John Mayer and Lola and Lenny and Spike that my mother did not push her, i was standing right fucking there, that fucking woman has issues and she's pathetic.
So to make a long story short, we had another fucking team meeting a few days later in which people yelled and the dumbass president said, "yall need to get along, have a barbeque or something" and i wanted to punch his nasty face, and after it was over the player agent for the little league was talking to me, my mom and the coach and a friend of ours and said that the lady had called the police to her house and pressed charges against my mom! Can you fucking believe that? I sure as hell can't. I mean, where in the world does someone get the balls to call up the police and tell them a baldfaced lie and potentially fuck up someones life with something they know good and goddamn well isn't true? So far nothing has happend and we have tons of people who will attest to the fact that that didn't happen, but I don't know what's going on with this now, i haven't heard anything else, so who knows.
I just hate those ladies and their fucking smug faces, especially the other day when we had a game and the coach made my brother, and the regular infielders sit out the whole game minus 5 minutes altogether to make those moms happy. He'll be back at first base for today's game so I'll be the one looking smug. Fuck you very much you bunch of fucking liars and fucked up bitches.
Also, today this stupid bitch who had yelled at my mom and me at my brother's school before when my mom asked the other woman if she could move her car up just a little so my mom could fit in behind her to which the lady replied that no she couldn't and my mom said, "thanks that's so kind of you" and they proceeded to yell and curse at us.
Well the other lady who wasn't the driver was in a different car today, i totally didn't know it was her and she was parked in this wrong spot, but there was another car in front of me and i was just waiting very patiently behind that car, when the girl in the car, the bitch turned around and saw me looking in that direction, which hello i'm driving that way, and saw me, gave me this ugly look and said, "what, do you have a problem?" and i kinda smiled all smugly, like you're one crazy bitch, and said "no".
She was like, "well then why are you staring?" and i was like i wasn't" and she was like, "you needa quit staring you got a problem, blah blah" and i was like, "maam, you've really got some anger issues, i think you really need some therapy maam" and finally the other car started to move as i was telling her this and she was all, "well, whatever" and i was like "please go to therapy" and moved ahead, it was hilarious, but what the fuck ever bitch, it's not my fault your life is fucked up, go take it out on the people who deserve your fucked up shit, cuz it's not me.
And finally today my dad came over and told us they offered him a job in El Paso with a huge pay increase and he took it. I already knew about it, cuz my mom found out on accident and told my sister who told me and so i had to pretend like i didn't know but even though i did know, i still cried as he was talking to us.
I think it was cuz it was a little sad, yes, but i was watching my brother and his eyes were all teared up and he was trying so hard not to cry and my sister was just sitting there like it all bored her, and i was so sad for my baby brother. He eventually started crying and my dad just held him and they talked and then went out to throw the football for a while and it was sad.
It's gonna be weird, him being gone, but it's a big pay increase and if we actually get to benefit from that money it will be great, but i know my dad's promises and his grand plans and they don't always work out the way he says they will, so I'm not really holding my breath over that.
But this new development, him leaving town, within the next couple of weeks, and my sister graduating within the next two months and moving in with her boyfriend has made it very clear to me, if it wasn't already, that my current job is not going to survive these major changes.
So, i had to tell them that yes, they should probably start looking for someone new to replace me once summer rolls around, because my dad won't be here, my mom works during the day and most of the evening and who knows when my sister will be gone, so it's me baby, I'm gonna be taking care of my brother and now I've got to start looking for a job where i could work at night, that would be ideal.
It sounds so awful, but a part of me wants my sister and her boyfriend to break up or decide that they can't move in together just yet, so that she can stay here longer and help me out so i don't feel like it's just me.
This is why i relate to David from "Six Feet Under" so well. He has to stay behind and deal with the family stuff while his older brother checks out and does his own thing and his sister is the baby of the family so she doesn't have to do anything, it's just him and sometimes he really resents it all but in the end he knows he has to do what he's doing and he's a better person for it.
I love my brother and would do anything for him, no matter how hard i think it might be, i don't resent him, i resent the choices i have made and the choices I'm being forced to make because of the things other people in my family are choosing to do.
It's like, "well I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna go do this, so that leaves me, and its like they assume my life is a fuck up anyway i won't mind being the leftover or whatever, and it's not taking care of my brother and making the decision to leave my job so i can watch him over the summer and get him from school and all that with more ease, it's the fact that everyone else, in some way or form, just looks to me and knows i'll do it.
It's hard to explain without sounding like a brat and maybe that's what i am, but that's how i feel right now. Well ok, I need to go to bed so hopefully i can get up tomorrow and do all the stuff I'm supposed to do.
Entropy is one of my favorite words, i just love the word itself and its meaning is cool, i don't remember the exact scientific definition, but it's kind of like the tendency for things in the universe to go from calm and settled to chaos and disaray, i love the word, i just don't like living through it. Tara was so right, "Things fall apart, they fall apart so hard."
"still everything happens for a reason
is no reason not to ask yourself if you are
living it right" "Why Georgia" John Mayer
Quite possibly my favorite line in a song ever, i love it, it gives me chills everytime i hear it, and it just makes me think. It's really appropriate right now. Night.
So first off, there was the baseball shit that had been going on. Mind you I'm talking about little league baseball when i speak about the incidents that have occured.
So, basically there are parents who have kids on the team who resent the kids on the team who play infield, my brother being one of them, first base to be exact, because they're damn good and get to play often and their kids rarely go to practice and don't try as hard as some of the other kids do and some of them shouldn't even be there, but they sure do feel like they have the right to complain about playing time and how the coaches run the team, and "i guess our kids have to have a dad coaching the team for our kid to get any play time" which is complete and total fucked up bullshit.
So the other day at the game, the group of moms was complaing blah blah fucking blah, throughout the whole game and then at the end, my mom came over and was sitting on the bleachers and heard them talking and interjected asking them if they thought it was fair if their kids didn't come to practice but still got to play a large part of the game.
Well this set them off and caused a big fight in which i got exasperated and threw my hands up in the air when one of the moms said she was going to go get the president of our division of the little league association, or whatever, and i said, "great more tattletaling, and this fat, stupid bitch who was the cause of all the problems in the first place got right up in my face and said, "thats right little girl and you need to stay out of the adult business" like in my face yelling at me and i was like, "you don't have any right to get up in my face and yell at me," and my mom put her finger on that bitch's arm and said, "don't you dare talk to my daughter like that," to which this lady said, "don't push me, i could press charges against you, ya'll saw that right, (she said this to the other bitch moms who were complaing with her and they were like, "mmmhmm" and all shaking their heads, and my god, i swear on John Mayer and Lola and Lenny and Spike that my mother did not push her, i was standing right fucking there, that fucking woman has issues and she's pathetic.
So to make a long story short, we had another fucking team meeting a few days later in which people yelled and the dumbass president said, "yall need to get along, have a barbeque or something" and i wanted to punch his nasty face, and after it was over the player agent for the little league was talking to me, my mom and the coach and a friend of ours and said that the lady had called the police to her house and pressed charges against my mom! Can you fucking believe that? I sure as hell can't. I mean, where in the world does someone get the balls to call up the police and tell them a baldfaced lie and potentially fuck up someones life with something they know good and goddamn well isn't true? So far nothing has happend and we have tons of people who will attest to the fact that that didn't happen, but I don't know what's going on with this now, i haven't heard anything else, so who knows.
I just hate those ladies and their fucking smug faces, especially the other day when we had a game and the coach made my brother, and the regular infielders sit out the whole game minus 5 minutes altogether to make those moms happy. He'll be back at first base for today's game so I'll be the one looking smug. Fuck you very much you bunch of fucking liars and fucked up bitches.
Also, today this stupid bitch who had yelled at my mom and me at my brother's school before when my mom asked the other woman if she could move her car up just a little so my mom could fit in behind her to which the lady replied that no she couldn't and my mom said, "thanks that's so kind of you" and they proceeded to yell and curse at us.
Well the other lady who wasn't the driver was in a different car today, i totally didn't know it was her and she was parked in this wrong spot, but there was another car in front of me and i was just waiting very patiently behind that car, when the girl in the car, the bitch turned around and saw me looking in that direction, which hello i'm driving that way, and saw me, gave me this ugly look and said, "what, do you have a problem?" and i kinda smiled all smugly, like you're one crazy bitch, and said "no".
She was like, "well then why are you staring?" and i was like i wasn't" and she was like, "you needa quit staring you got a problem, blah blah" and i was like, "maam, you've really got some anger issues, i think you really need some therapy maam" and finally the other car started to move as i was telling her this and she was all, "well, whatever" and i was like "please go to therapy" and moved ahead, it was hilarious, but what the fuck ever bitch, it's not my fault your life is fucked up, go take it out on the people who deserve your fucked up shit, cuz it's not me.
And finally today my dad came over and told us they offered him a job in El Paso with a huge pay increase and he took it. I already knew about it, cuz my mom found out on accident and told my sister who told me and so i had to pretend like i didn't know but even though i did know, i still cried as he was talking to us.
I think it was cuz it was a little sad, yes, but i was watching my brother and his eyes were all teared up and he was trying so hard not to cry and my sister was just sitting there like it all bored her, and i was so sad for my baby brother. He eventually started crying and my dad just held him and they talked and then went out to throw the football for a while and it was sad.
It's gonna be weird, him being gone, but it's a big pay increase and if we actually get to benefit from that money it will be great, but i know my dad's promises and his grand plans and they don't always work out the way he says they will, so I'm not really holding my breath over that.
But this new development, him leaving town, within the next couple of weeks, and my sister graduating within the next two months and moving in with her boyfriend has made it very clear to me, if it wasn't already, that my current job is not going to survive these major changes.
So, i had to tell them that yes, they should probably start looking for someone new to replace me once summer rolls around, because my dad won't be here, my mom works during the day and most of the evening and who knows when my sister will be gone, so it's me baby, I'm gonna be taking care of my brother and now I've got to start looking for a job where i could work at night, that would be ideal.
It sounds so awful, but a part of me wants my sister and her boyfriend to break up or decide that they can't move in together just yet, so that she can stay here longer and help me out so i don't feel like it's just me.
This is why i relate to David from "Six Feet Under" so well. He has to stay behind and deal with the family stuff while his older brother checks out and does his own thing and his sister is the baby of the family so she doesn't have to do anything, it's just him and sometimes he really resents it all but in the end he knows he has to do what he's doing and he's a better person for it.
I love my brother and would do anything for him, no matter how hard i think it might be, i don't resent him, i resent the choices i have made and the choices I'm being forced to make because of the things other people in my family are choosing to do.
It's like, "well I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna go do this, so that leaves me, and its like they assume my life is a fuck up anyway i won't mind being the leftover or whatever, and it's not taking care of my brother and making the decision to leave my job so i can watch him over the summer and get him from school and all that with more ease, it's the fact that everyone else, in some way or form, just looks to me and knows i'll do it.
It's hard to explain without sounding like a brat and maybe that's what i am, but that's how i feel right now. Well ok, I need to go to bed so hopefully i can get up tomorrow and do all the stuff I'm supposed to do.
Entropy is one of my favorite words, i just love the word itself and its meaning is cool, i don't remember the exact scientific definition, but it's kind of like the tendency for things in the universe to go from calm and settled to chaos and disaray, i love the word, i just don't like living through it. Tara was so right, "Things fall apart, they fall apart so hard."
"still everything happens for a reason
is no reason not to ask yourself if you are
living it right" "Why Georgia" John Mayer
Quite possibly my favorite line in a song ever, i love it, it gives me chills everytime i hear it, and it just makes me think. It's really appropriate right now. Night.
posted by Not This Girl, Not This Day at 2:18 AM
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